Saturday, February 16, 2008

Marital Jealousy

I’ve always related jealousy to lack of trust, or lack of self confidence or both (let alone that some men fake or exaggerate in showing their jealousy just to impress their girls). And since I have neither, there’s no need to be jealous. I’m an open-minded girl. I’d never mind if my husband has female friends with whom he’d talk and go out since I know all about it and nothing is happening behind my back. The last thing I would like to become is a silly, jealous, suspicious, controlling wife. Marriage is not a prison of two people after all, is it?

However, that was all before I got married. Now things have turned 180 degrees. Among the changes that happened to me during the past few months, I noticed that I’ve actually became jealous! But now I do not relate this jealousy to lack of self confidence or lack of trust, I relate it to excessive love that would result in a kind of possessiveness and consequently jealousy. I’d get really really REALLY furious whenever a girl crosses her limits while talking and laughing and joking with my husband. To her, he’s still the same old friend and she will still treat him the same way not taking into consideration that he’s now married to a woman who loves him and who happens to be sitting with her right now imagining, while smiling and pretending to be nice, that she’s engaging with her in a cat fight, pulling her hair, smashing her teeth and yelling at her LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE, HE’S MINE! Yes, to my surprise, I actually sank to that level, I hereby declare.

The husband, I believe, loves it when he sees his wife jealous! And to make things worse, he takes advantage of this week point of hers to tease her and enjoys watching her boiling in anger! Wicked men! oops I forgot that my husband reads this blog, I’m not talking about you honey, it’s a few men only whom I’m calling wicked. :D
And by the by, we have many common friends of whom I’d never ever get jealous! So, don’t get me wrong. It’s only the kind I talked about previously who get on my nerves.
So, to what extent would this kind of friendship between men and women affect marriage? I heard an interesting opinion that says there is no so called friendship between a man and a woman once he/she gets married! Having a close friend of the other gender is mostly dangerous to marriage. I'm not convinced of this but what do you guys think?


Anonymous said...

I think this is a very sensetive issue..jealousy is good to a limit..but when it accedes a "reasonable" limit, it will become dangerous and might destroy the relationship...
bec you will be too busy tracking him instead of enjoying being with him.
And maybe men enjoy it...but I think that is also is nice to show him how much you love him every once a while..but be carful not to cross the "red line"...bec things will become really annoying.

P.S. I am not talking about you..this is generally speaking.

Diana said...

Exactly Gardenia. I can't agree more. excessive jealousy can be destructive and very annoying.
I'm surprised actually from my own behavior. I've never really experienced this feeling before and never imagined that one day I will feel jealous.
I never understood why would people feel jealous as long as they trust their partners,but as I mentioned before it was a result of love and not lack of trust and suspicion for I do trust my husband.

deemco said...

I personally believe that people should be jealous over their partner. It's not a sign of lack of trust or self confidence, it's a sign of love and appreciation. However, I do agree that it should only be to an extent. Not the freaky, stalking kind of jealousy.
As for having close friends of the opposite sex, I am totally against it. I think it's like playing with fire. Different people have different thoughts and beliefs, but this is my opinion on the matter.

Anonymous said...

LOOOL @ the catfight :P And the picture is hilarious, sho hada elli 7amleeto menshar? :D

Anyway, I generally believe in jealousy. When you are in love and you care about someone, jealousy is one of the ways to look after him/her. I think possessiveness and jealousy are related to each other. As long as the jealousy is moderate and coming from a good place then it is okay. Maybe you are having a harder time than usual with your pregnancy and hormones.

By the way, the truth is: I am crazy when it comes to jealousy but I know I will never go too far!

Qwaider قويدر said...

I love it when I check out a blog that a woman KNOWS that her husband reads too
You see masterpiece posts like this one! :)

As for jealousy, there's a healthy amount of it. And an unhealthy amount. We have to balance it so that we don't suffocate the people we love with our jealousy


Anonymous said...

I believe when I commit to a relationship, I will be a jealous one because I believe in limitations. Marriage is about reshaping your life to accomidate your other half. So, just like I will compromise, I expect him to do the same. It's another phase of our lives and demands change. y3nee... its whats natural and expected. So nothing wrong with being jealous :D
If you need someone to imagine with you and help you with pulling her hair, just let me know heheh.. I'll make a crime scene in my head for you lol.

Oriental Arabesque said...

i feel for u, because if i'm in the same situation i'll get jealous as well if a lady crossed her limits with my husband! and it won't be because i don't trust him or anything of that sort...bas ana habla and berda's enough for him to assure me that i'm the only one to have a big smile on my face and forget all about it...
habla i told u :p

PŕōuđPāŀĩ said...

LOL 3al chainsaw! lol love the pic, w ktir resembles me when i c a girl eying out my fiance! banjann!

i was reading the first part saying u dont mind ur man having friends and going out w midri shu and i was like "omg i can never do that, i wud aqatte3 awsalha illi bidha tetesel feeh la ba3li"!!! w we're still not married! wa3! lol

call me silly, call me raj3iyeh, call me overreactivating lol bas my man is my man alone! i keep my limits and show only what i want to show, but i cant deny inno bakun baghli at some points, but im a sagittarius, and who better than u to know how our attitude and reactions r ;) we're smart bi hal osas!( bas eft min il 3youn il fdee7a :mob: )

bless u and urs bannouteh :hug:

Diana said...

So, I am not the only one!:D
and I thought that it's kinda weird or something.
Thank you for your inputs ladies, and Qwaider of course!

SimSim said...

ba5alles 3aleeh law be7kee ma3 wa7deeh :D 2aal friend 2aal !!

and it's really not a feeling u can control ! I thought I won't be jelious wife but I guess I will be bas aham eshee maa yekbar ras-hom :D

Diana said...

yeah yeah Samsoom, you cannot control it.
LOL @ ba5ales 3aleeh, I'd rather a5ales 3aleha mish 3aleh mwahaha :D

Bos6ar Gadeem said...

Jealousy is healthy and normal reaction, but don`t let it control you ... everyone, being a husband or a wife, should draw a line for others not to cross when dealing with him/ her .. in front of his/ her partner or being alone.

Diana said...

Yup Amjad, it's all about this line, let it not be crossed and everything will be just fine.

Mrs. Al Ramahi said...

i am not the jealous kind too.. i know some people who fight day and night becasue of stupid and very silly jealousy..and of course i get jealous if its over..

I don't know, but maybe you are more jeoulous now because of your pregnancy ????

when one gets married, you cant just dump your friends (females and males)whom hanged out with you all the time, just coz you have your hubby and you dont need them anymore..they are important and they will be as long as there is limits and especially for the different sex friends..

Diana said...

Maybe it's related to my unstable hormones Amal, I don't know cause it's not my nature.
I agree with you but one must always be careful and put limits, no?