Saturday, August 29, 2009

Midnight Blabbering

Kareem is thirteen months old now. I intended to post something on the blog on his first birthday, to talk much about him, about me, about us.. about the past year.. but I couldn't, I was internetless then..
Anyway, while I'm supposed to be deeply asleep now, I find myself blabbering here... I missed this place, I miss so many things in my life.. and most importantly I miss me, myself, my old self.. I fail to recognize who I am anymore.. I fail to have this connection with my inner self ..
Is it only me, or being a wife/mother is really a tough job?? I mean I see other mothers who don't seem to be having a hard time in doing their jobs, Allahoma la 7asad, and seem to be enjoying their lives, finding time to go out, to watch TV, to spend a couple of hours online, chatting or whatever.. in addition to many other things.. Why don't I have time to do that?? Is it something wrong with me or with organizing my life or what is the problem exactly? Why don't I have time to watch TV for example ? Nefsi a7darli shi movie aw shi mosalsal, lol, I only watch snippets. I miss reading, I got this new book, and believe it or not, I read the first page like ten times, you know why? because everytime I start reading ,something happens , el tabkha, el walad, ma ba3ref sho..., and I leave the book, come back later, start all over again, then leave it, start again, and so on... Eventually I gave up and threw it among the other books. And this small incident made me feel bad and made me feel pity for myself.
Not that I'm not enjoying being a mom and a wife, I mean Kareem and his father mean the world to me and I love them so much and can't imagine my life without them, but it's just one of those times when I feel that I'm totally exhausted and drained and need a break. I was counting on the vacation to have some rest, but the vacation is over, back to school tomorrow, and Mr. Rest hasn't arrived yet :D
We had to move to a new place and stuff, so we spent the vacation here in Dubai. Not going to Lebanon, and not seeing my mom, who misses Kareem terribly, is also something that makes me feel bad.
Anyway, Kareem is a walker now, he starts walking like a couple of weeks ago, and he's enjoying it :D runnig around the house all day long... Seeing him walking was so heartwarming, my little man is growing fast..
His babbling is really funny, I wish I can know what exactly he's trying to say :D But of course he says some recognizable words like: mama, baba, may (water), num(food), batta(duck), babeh(tabeh=ball), yayeh(jajeh=chicken), bye, ayo (alo), ban (laban=yogurt), ban can also stand for baloon :D, bayi (barney, his favorite show), and guess what? he calls his father Ammaaaaay :D He hears me calling him Ammar Ammar, so he now calls him Ammay instead of baba :D
OK, that made me feel better, I guess I must go get some sleep now. My sleep debt is growing bigger :S
Have a blessed Ramadan everyone! :)

13 comments:

nido said...

heyyy Diana:)) It's really great to hear from you again!!
and lol at yayeh!! habibi mashallah:)
remember that you have a full time job and a family to take care of...I'm sure you're doing great but we always want to be perfect...it takes time my dear, we'll all get used to it sometime soon inshallah :)
keep writing, never stop!

Amjad Wadiِ said...

Salam Diana
Good to hear from you again

It is pity that you did not go to Lebanon .. inshallah you will have the chance to go next summer or even before

GOod to hear that Kareem is walking now .. mashallah .. we are hoping for some photos though :)

عـلا - من غـزة said...

mashalla Diana .. time runs sooo quickly :)

plz come do this blabbering more often .. it is so enjoyable to keep track of ur adventures with little kareem ...

well, sure i cannot help u with any advices about motherhood .. but at least i can tell u that being a mother is a blessing and having to raise a child is for sure the hardest thing to be done correctly .. so don't be hard on urself dear

now i'm the one who's blabbering :p

any way .. Ramadan Kareem .. :D

NasEr said...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal :))))))))))))))
it sounds like a totally different you !! had w ana following ur blog mennn...its been over a year now ! wow ! its nice to see these emotions evolving anyway,for me ya3ne from the outside ,humans never fail to interest u and make u think and wonder ,we'll be waiting to get more answers maybe in posts to come,anyway , for me you're dearly missed blog-wise,since u were my granfatherEH bel blogging n gave me my 1st tag :DD so come back more often ,w aimta bedek t3allme kareem baik to type w nshoof his 1st entry ? :D

Jasmina said...

Being a mother is the hardest job ever, may Allah help you and protect your child :)

Diana said...

Nido, Amjad, Ola, Naser, and Jasmina, thank you all for the nice words. I really wish that I can blog more often, but seems like it's a little bit difficult these days, unfortunately.
thanks again my friends, and I'm sooooo sorry for the late reply :$

SimSim said...

u r missed kteeer :( 7enne shway w ta3alee hoon :( lamma ykoon kareem nayem :D

Diana said...

missed you too samsoomty
lama ykoon Kareem nayem betkon mamet Kareem 3anda loads of things to do :(

Summer said...

Hi. Just happened across your blog and I'm really enjoying it. I can totally relate to all you said about the sleep deprivation. I shared a bed with my two boys until they were 3 and 5...not fun. But now they are confident and secure and sleep on their own and I don't have to pat them to sleep anymore. It gets better. Promise. Eventually they will sleep for 11 or 12 hours straight and you can have 3 or 4 hours to yourself in the evening without feeling any guilt. God be with you.

Diana said...

Summer: so, I still have at least a year before things start to get back to normal?:D
Thank you, your words gave me hope :)

Dino$ said...

i know what u are talking about... i am going through this right now and lulu started walking habeebti.. ur life is no longer urs its theirs and everything u do now is for ur baby... its hard but when u compare what ur missing out on now and what u would miss out on if u never were a mom.. its seems silly. i mean yes iw would be nice to watch a moive.. read a book. go to a spa. shower without doing it a hurry. and so on.. but nothing compares to what we have.. and i know u feel that way too.. i just wish i had a nanny haha

how do ppl get 10 kids????

Diana said...

Dina, I always wonder about the same thing, how do ppl get 10 kids?!!!
Allah ye7mehon w y5alelna yahon :)

Dino$ said...

akeed sarlik zaman u din blog because lulu is now 19 months :) ne wway just passing by to see ur news :)

keep writing!! even though its harder now but try :) i am trying to get back to blogging as well