Midnight Blabbering

Kareem is thirteen months old now. I intended to post something on the blog on his first birthday, to talk much about him, about me, about us.. about the past year.. but I couldn't, I was internetless then..
Anyway, while I'm supposed to be deeply asleep now, I find myself blabbering here... I missed this place, I miss so many things in my life.. and most importantly I miss me, myself, my old self.. I fail to recognize who I am anymore.. I fail to have this connection with my inner self ..
Is it only me, or being a wife/mother is really a tough job?? I mean I see other mothers who don't seem to be having a hard time in doing their jobs, Allahoma la 7asad, and seem to be enjoying their lives, finding time to go out, to watch TV, to spend a couple of hours online, chatting or whatever.. in addition to many other things.. Why don't I have time to do that?? Is it something wrong with me or with organizing my life or what is the problem exactly? Why don't I have time to watch TV for example ? Nefsi a7darli shi movie aw shi mosalsal, lol, I only watch snippets. I miss reading, I got this new book, and believe it or not, I read the first page like ten times, you know why? because everytime I start reading ,something happens , el tabkha, el walad, ma ba3ref sho..., and I leave the book, come back later, start all over again, then leave it, start again, and so on... Eventually I gave up and threw it among the other books. And this small incident made me feel bad and made me feel pity for myself.
Not that I'm not enjoying being a mom and a wife, I mean Kareem and his father mean the world to me and I love them so much and can't imagine my life without them, but it's just one of those times when I feel that I'm totally exhausted and drained and need a break. I was counting on the vacation to have some rest, but the vacation is over, back to school tomorrow, and Mr. Rest hasn't arrived yet :D
We had to move to a new place and stuff, so we spent the vacation here in Dubai. Not going to Lebanon, and not seeing my mom, who misses Kareem terribly, is also something that makes me feel bad.
Anyway, Kareem is a walker now, he starts walking like a couple of weeks ago, and he's enjoying it :D runnig around the house all day long... Seeing him walking was so heartwarming, my little man is growing fast..
His babbling is really funny, I wish I can know what exactly he's trying to say :D But of course he says some recognizable words like: mama, baba, may (water), num(food), batta(duck), babeh(tabeh=ball), yayeh(jajeh=chicken), bye, ayo (alo), ban (laban=yogurt), ban can also stand for baloon :D, bayi (barney, his favorite show), and guess what? he calls his father Ammaaaaay :D He hears me calling him Ammar Ammar, so he now calls him Ammay instead of baba :D
OK, that made me feel better, I guess I must go get some sleep now. My sleep debt is growing bigger :S
Have a blessed Ramadan everyone! :)