Nostalgia

When I was a little girl, I had a yellow teddy bear wearing a red overall..and I used to call him Fofo. I don't know when and how did I get it, what I remember is that Fofo was there all the time. At the age of fourteen, as we decided to move to another city, mama gave Fofo - among other things- away without letting me know. When I discovered about it later, it was too late.

Mom thought that I grew too old to care about an old silly teddy bear. My furious reaction surprised her for she had no idea how dear was Fofo to me and how sad losing him made me feel. It's true that I didn't seem to care much about him and I took his presence for granted, but I was really so attached to and so fond of him. The fact that I didn't realize until I lost him.

It's been many years since this happened but I still remember Fofo and miss him.

How many things in our lives, let alone people, do we take for granted and do not appreciate their real value until we lose them? We may not even notice their existence until they're not there anymore.

Have you ever thought that a day will come when you'll miss a pillow, a pen, a notebook, a mirror, a chair, or even a vase?

Has it ever crossed your mind that one day you'll be longing for a certain place, a road, a shop, a cafe, or even a balcony?

Have I ever imagined that someday I was going to miss the taste of our bread, the smell of Mom's coffee, the flavor of a friend's tea, or even the voice of the grocer and the laugh of the hairdresser?

Did I know before that we get attached to "things" and "places" the way we do to humans?

No, not really! It never occured to me that one day I'll look back at these trivial things with nostalgia, and that they'll become an inseparable part of the concept "home", when they were before nothing but normal things and incidents, a part of our daily routine...

Fairouz becomes not only a serence voice that we enjoy listening to in the morning, and in my case at any time of the day. Fairouz's voice becomes equivalent to "home".. it takes you back to familiar places... and brings to mind familiar faces and sounds... laughs and sobs.. beautiful and bitter memories...it arouses a feeling of "belonging" and takes you temporarily back home.

But as you open your eyes, you find yourself in a completely different place... walking down an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar city... a stranger... surrounded by strangers....

The cold breeze strokes my hair... brings me back to where I really am... and I wonder, why does it have to be this cold here when back home it is still warm? Why can't I see the beauty of this city the way that others see it? Will I ever feel at home in this place? Will I ever miss anything about it if one day I had to leave the way I miss every corner back home? Why does life, when it decides to be generous with us and offer us a valuable thing, deprive us of many others in return? Why can't we have it all at the same time? Man is a greedy creature, isn't he?

The wind gets more chilly... and rain drops start to fall on me... so I decide to walk back home thinking to myself that we must take advantage of every moment we spend with our beloved ones, and in the places that we love, because one day, when we part with them, we'll regret not showing enough care and love to them, just as it happened with me and Fofo.

Let the Rainbow Drops Come Down

The reason I keep changing my blog theme is nothing but a compensation for a hidden feeling of deficiency, it turned out to be.
The destructive feeling of being incapable of controlling my own life, and making some changes finds a way out in enjoying the simple delights of changing minor things like hair cut, hair color, perfumes, clothes.., and of course changing the blog’s theme and colors that proved to be the best option for being the easiest and the least costly of all :D

“You should have studied graphic design” a couple of people pointed out. True! I should have been a graphic designer, a nutritionist, a makeup artist, a fashion designer, a jewelry designer, or even a painter. I see myself as one of these, but never as a teacher. This is one of the things that I’ve been seeking to change, and not succeeding at it feels so bad.

I cannot change my past, and I feel helpless about the present, have no idea about the future.. whether the next step that I’m going to take will do some change, if the track I’m going to walk will be the right one for me.. or as usual it will turn out to be the wrong one. I hope not. The light of hope within me hasn’t faded yet despite the many storms that went by.
Speaking of hope, I once read that hope is nothing but a synonym of “deceit”. The more we hope, the more we deceive and disillusion ourselves. I read that at a time when I needed so much hope and I felt like a thirsty person who has just been robbed the last and the only drop of water he was counting on to stay alive.

I'm back, I have a lot of things to say.. but I'll stop here for now.

For a change, tulips are no more here, it's time for rainbow drops. I need some colors in my life :)

Untitled Scribble

In it, I read that my people, the Pashtuns, had persecuted and oppressed the Hazaras. The book said that my people had killed the Hazaras, driven them from their hands, burned their homes, and sold their women. The book said part of the reason Pashtuns had oppressed the Hazaras was that Pashtuns were Sunni Muslims, while Hazaras were Shi’a.
[….] The following week, after class, I showed the book to my teacher and pointed to the chapter on the Hazaras. He skimmed through a couple of pages, snickered, handed the book back. “That’s the one thing Shi’a people do well”, he said, picking up his papers, “passing themselves as martyrs.” He wrinkled his nose when he said the word Shi’a, like it was some kind of disease.

As this conflict is currently brought to the surface whether in Iraq or in Lebanon and with the rising Shia-Sunni tension in the Middle East in general, I was stunned to find out that this issue is chasing me even in the books I’m reading. The Kite Runner, seems to be a great book by the way, I’m enjoying it already. Actually Weddo was the one who first recommended it. Thanks Weddo!
I was just talking about this subject a couple of days ago with an Algerian friend who happens to be married to a Lebanese “Shiite”. The conversation touched me as she was expressing her immense anxiety and fear of the impact of what’s happening lately on the future of her kids. She told me that the school where her children study at called her informing her that her son pushed his friend saying: “don’t talk to me you filthy Sunni!” Her husband and she were shocked because they never talk about this Sunni Shia thingie in front of their kids at all.
“Where on earth did you get these ideas from?” The father yelled at the boy.
“but father, Sunnies are filthy. They hate us! We're not supposed to talk to them.” The boy’s reply was.
The parents couldn’t believe their ears. The father explained that this is not true, he wanted to get these poisoned ideas out of his son’s mind “How can you say that? Sunnis are not enemies! Do you know that your own mother is Sunni?”
The boy was taken aback; he did not know this fact.
His mother said: “What? Are you going to stop taking to me as well for being a filthy Sunni?”
The boy felt ashamed of himself and couldn’t answer. This incident left the mother in utter devastation. She was wondering, why can’t they just let us live in peace? Why do they have to impose hatred and violence in our lives, in our homes, on our children?

She was right. I’ve always hated these everlasting conflicts.. discriminations.. battles and wars..between east and west, black and white, Christians and Muslims, Sunnis and Shiites, left and right, atheists and believers, old and new, and and and and.. Can’t humans live in peace, for once? We are all humans after all.

I've always hated this everlasting tendency to kill, torture, burn, destroy. I can't understand how can humans be this evil. 1984 has obviously affected me and put me in a state of bewilderment.

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face--for ever."

نيرون بيروت فلتذهب إلى الجحيم

!صباح الخير
استفاقت بيروت اليوم على هدوء حذر بعد أحداث أمس الدامية التي خلفت ما خلفته من دمار وألم.
يوم جميل مشرق، وسماء صافية وأمل بأن تزول الغمائم السوداء من القلوب كما زالت من السماء
..سماء بيروت جميلة، فلا توشحوها بالسواد
..شوارع بيروت جميلة، فلا تلطخوها بالدماء

اليوم إذن عطلة بقرار من وزير التربية والتعليم، كنت قد تلقيت قبل إعلانه أوامر صارمة من أمي ومن عمار بعدم الذهاب إلى المدرسة في كل الاحوال.

يوم آخر نحبس فيه في المنازل، نقضيه غالبا بمتابعة الأخبار وقراءة الصحف ومصارعة الملل.

عناوين كبرى..كثيرٌ من الحبر الأسود...كثيرٌ من الدم..وقليلٌ من الحياء. وهنا أقتبس أحلام مستغانمي

يتسابقون في تأليف الشعارات، فمنهم من يحب لبنان ومنهم من يحب الحياة... وأتساءل كيف يمكن لشخص أن يحب لبنان ولآخر أن يحب الحياة أن يفعل ما فعله للبنان.. وللحياة؟
إلا إذا كانوا يريدون التعبير عن هذا "الحب" على طريقة نيرون الذي أحرق روما حباً لها وشغفاً بها

!!

Appreciation

Inspired by a post by Hala where she says:

Even though a certain person might know how you feel towards him/her, they still need to hear it. It is nice to give and receive love and appreciation to and from those who are worth it.

I totally agree. It's always good to know that there are people who appreciate, love and care for you, not necessarily by only telling you this, but sometimes a simple action can tell a million words.

I was wondering lately about the concept of friendship, how some people consider you as a "friend" and categorize you as a "friend" yet make no effort to show the mere sign of this friendship. I don't know, maybe it's me, I give more importance to this term and consider friendship as a more deep and intimate relationship than a superficial one that goes no further than knowing one anothers' names so we're friends and that's it.

Friendship is more precious to me than that. It's a mixture of mutual sweet feelings of love, care, sharing, help, and trust . I always do my best not to ignore my friends and even when I'm busy I try to show that I'm there and that I care from time to time, just a reminder that I'm not ignoring and that they're always on my mind. Yet, it isn't really nice to suddenly realize that you're recieving nothing in return! and that whether you showed up or not, whether you asked or not, they just don't give a damn. And they still have the nerve to call you friend!

Excuse me!

"I am sorry if innocent people were hurt in the operation in Ramallah "
Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert

Commenting on what happened, the BBC says: "Israeli military vehicles cleared Ramallah's streets of traffic "!!

How impudent and disrespectful!

You know what? They are right in making fun of us, they are right in treating us like fools, to kill us, destroy the cars and the houses and everything and afterwards come to say oops we are sorry! Oh, how sweet of you Mr. Olmert, you don't have to worry at all :)

We are fools because at the time this was happening, the Palestinians were busy killing each other. How pathetic!

أحزان شجر البطاطا

Wait a minute, a7zan shajar el ba6a6a? what is that supposed to mean? The title made me think that I'm hallucinating or something. It's very funny :D

I stumbled across a7zan shajar el ba6a6a and I wondered how did you came out with this title Sharifo? What were you thinking?

and yet another funny blog, hilarious tags, check it out.

لبنة - حمص - مخلل - فول - فلافل - بريق شاي - ملبس علوز
etc...

Yes people, these are tags/labels/categories :D

thanx for the laugh guys.

2awlkon Nana ma3 meen?

X: Nana, whom do you support? March 14 or March 8 Forces?
N: March 30 :p
X: Come on, I'm serious.
Y: I think she supports the government; she's Sunni you know…
X: Yeah, but she is Palestinian, and Palestinians in general support Hezbullah!
Y: Yet, she has the Jordanian nationality, which may make her support Sanyora government. Jordan made its stand very clear!
N: ....
X: come on tell us, enti ma3 meen?

N: keep guessing guys :-)

بمناسبة ساعة الصفر

مس مس، قال بكرة عطلة؟-
لأ يا حبيبي مين قالك إنو بكرة عطلة؟-
! سمعت الولاد الكبار عم بقولوا إنو يمكن بكرة نعطل عشان ساعة الصفر-

Barbeque for Breakfast?!!

I just cannot grasp the idea that people can really have BBQ for breakfast, even if it is Eid! The smell of meat has been filling the air all over the place since early morning.

Fadfoodah

Still suffering the consequences of war...
This may sound silly, however I find it annoying. Going to the supermarket and find that nothing on my shopping list is available disturbs me big time. Haven't they started importing yet?!!!!
Why me, why the products I use? No milk, no soup, no shower gel, no chocolate, no kinder country,no galaxy, no galaxy jewels, no cappuccino, no and no and no.....Nothing!
efftttt

what children teach us

While reading The Fifth Mountain, which- at last -I'm about to finish reading,the following sentence caught my attention:

" A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires."

Perhaps the reason that made me stop at this sentence in specific is that I deal with children on a daily basis. Obviously, I'm starting to get interested and attracted to anything that has to do with these creatures and with their special world.
I liked what Paulo Coelho wrote here, it's so true...

me is bored

yes, I am bored, poor thing :( . I have a 12 days vacation, I was supposed to spend it in Jordan, but my mother managed to convince me not to , for I'm going to spend the summer vacation, which is not that far, there.

And here I am, having no specific plans in mind, no one to go out with, stuck at home, surfing the net maybe or reading...
Any other suggestion?

Loosing Passion

Again, another symptom of growing up, running out of dreams, and loosing passion and interest in things we used to enjoy when younger.
When one is young, he has many dreams and ambitions, once he start fulfilling them, life becomes boring.

Springtime

I like the new timing!
Despite that u get up an hour earlier, but u come back an hour earlier too, so u have time to do so many things before it gets dark and makes u feel lazy that the day is over! :D

Welcome Spring.

Veronika decides to die...

She believed herself to be completely normal. Two very simple reasons lay behind her decision to die, and she was sure that, were she to leave a note explaining, many people would agree with her.

The first reason: Everything in her life was the same and, once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way, with old age begining to leave irreversible marks, the onset of illness, the departure of friends. She would gain nothing by continuing to live; indeed, the likelihood of suffering would only increase.

The second reason was more philosophical: Veronika read the newspapers, watched TV, and she was aware of what was going on in the world. Everything was wrong, and she had no way of putting things right-that gave her a sense of complete powerlessness.

Does this ring a bell with you?

kharabeesh

* At the time someone asks u to "leave him alone", know that this is the time he needs u the most to be by his side.

* A simple mistake can lead to a savage war.

* Some ppl remind me of owls and ravens rather than humans. Others are more likely to remind of "heartless" beasts. (ouch!)

my mind is blank

and blank it is...

Loneliness

Loneliness is
a child spinning a top
on an abandoned sidewalk.

Loneliness is
a rose petal that fell on
a rock.

Loneliness is
the sun...
don't you think it's lonely?

Or the moon maybe?
Don't you think
it's lonely too?

But spare me the epitomes
of loneliness,
for if I were the sun
or the child,the dog, or the rose petal
Loneliness would be
a top spinning by the hand,the sun shining for the world,
the moon glowing for the night,
and a rose petal
falling for
the
ground...


Now, is this loneliness?

Random Thoughts

*Who said that life is beautiful? Who said that people are nice? Who said that we are as pure as we think ourseves to be?
Life is not beautiful, people are not nice, and we are not pure. Man is a sinner by nature. we are evil by nature.
a fact that we do our best to ignore....


*beware me, I'm a quitter!
I don't really care, I don't really give it a damn. In case anything bothers me, I just walk away, close the door behind, and never look back!

*hey you! can't u plz be a bit more selfish? and stop being so caring?
God you're so stupid!
(oh that was addressed to me)

*It really sucks when you are punished for a sin u havn't committed, when you are blamed and even attacked for doing nothing wrong. Why can't we just live in peace, and leave people alone?

don't ask me why did i write this, cuz i myself have no idea.