Gazan Mothers, My Heart Goes Out to You

I was expecting visitors on that day.. I was alone, busy, cleaning, preparing food, and baking some sweets... moving from a room to another, and of course having Kareem with me wherever I go.. I went to the living room, carrying my baby in his carrycot, when suddenly the handle of the carrycot was unlocked and Kareem was there... lying on the floor...screaming like crazy...

I couldn't believe that this was really happening... I must be dreaming... it must be the worst nightmare ever!

I rushed to hold him... to check whether he was hurt or not... I could see nothing, no bruises, no blood, but he was crying so hard. My heart almost stopped. I was shaking all over, my tears were falling down my face... and I could barely speak when I called my husband asking him to come home IMMEDIATELY. I was in Abu Dhabi, and he in Dubai, and I wanted him to come immediately, lol
He tried to calm me down so that he can understand what happened, meanwhile Kareem was starting to calm down in his turn until his crying stopped. Minutes later he started acting normally, but I was not, was still worried, overwhelmed with grief, anxiety, pain and guilt, kissing and hugging him passionately, and repeating to myself, I will never forgive myself, I will never forgive myself, it's all my fault, I will never forgive myself
Back to my senses, I found myself soaking wet. Kareem was staring at me in surprise maybe wondering why was I crying. I made a phone call apologizing to the guests that I won't be able to receive them. To make the story short, when Ammar came home, we took Kareem to the doctor who assured us that there was nothing wrong with him, thank God. But still, I will never forgive myself .

This happened like a month ago, and every time I try to blog about it, I get so emotional, delete what I typed and abandon the whole idea.

The emotional impact of this incident was so overwhelming. It is so hard for a mother to see her baby hurt, not even a bit, or to hear him crying in pain.

Now watching what's going on in Gaza, the 315+ children who were killed, and the hundreds or thousands others who were badly injured, burned, or lost their limbs, I can't really imagine how would their mothers be feeling now. I just can't! If I went through all this torture when my baby fell and wasn't a bit hurt, what are these mothers going through now????
I'm all out of words!

لـيالي الشـمال الحـزينة

I am speechless, I really don't know what to say. We've been hoping for things to get better since more than three years. Yet, things are getting worse and worse each day. The people were already concerned about the situation and the growing political tension in the country. The clashes between the Lebanese Army and Fatah Al Islam extremist militants only came to add oil to the fire, not to mention the two explosions that hit Beirut over two consecutive nights.
wa ka2ano kan na2esna Fat7 Al Islam!! Where the hell did these people come from? And how did they let them gain a foothold in Lebanon? Why didn't they stop them before they settled and started messing around, before they brought death and destruction on innocent people?!! Was the bloodshed unavoidable? I blame both the Lebanese who allowed this to happen, and the Palestinians who permitted these terrorists to live among them.

I'm so mad. I feel so sorry for the innocent victims, for the Lebanese soldiers and the poor Palestinian refugees who were killed and whose homes were destroyed, na2eson ta3teer. I feel sorry for this beautiful country, she bebaki 3an jad!
I hate the feeling of insecurity that's been living within us since years. I hate to see the streets empty except of tanks and soldiers and security forces. I hate to see this anxious expression drawn of all faces. I hate the fact that we're not able to sleep to stay tuned for any breaking news. You know, even at school, at the end of each period we all ask each other: sho el akhbar? sar shee jdeed?
w ba3deen tayeb? Damn it, we've got enough, khalas bekafi :( effftttttttttt
Edit: while I was typing this, an explosion hit Aley, mount Lebanon.