Gazan Mothers, My Heart Goes Out to You

I was expecting visitors on that day.. I was alone, busy, cleaning, preparing food, and baking some sweets... moving from a room to another, and of course having Kareem with me wherever I go.. I went to the living room, carrying my baby in his carrycot, when suddenly the handle of the carrycot was unlocked and Kareem was there... lying on the floor...screaming like crazy...

I couldn't believe that this was really happening... I must be dreaming... it must be the worst nightmare ever!

I rushed to hold him... to check whether he was hurt or not... I could see nothing, no bruises, no blood, but he was crying so hard. My heart almost stopped. I was shaking all over, my tears were falling down my face... and I could barely speak when I called my husband asking him to come home IMMEDIATELY. I was in Abu Dhabi, and he in Dubai, and I wanted him to come immediately, lol
He tried to calm me down so that he can understand what happened, meanwhile Kareem was starting to calm down in his turn until his crying stopped. Minutes later he started acting normally, but I was not, was still worried, overwhelmed with grief, anxiety, pain and guilt, kissing and hugging him passionately, and repeating to myself, I will never forgive myself, I will never forgive myself, it's all my fault, I will never forgive myself
Back to my senses, I found myself soaking wet. Kareem was staring at me in surprise maybe wondering why was I crying. I made a phone call apologizing to the guests that I won't be able to receive them. To make the story short, when Ammar came home, we took Kareem to the doctor who assured us that there was nothing wrong with him, thank God. But still, I will never forgive myself .

This happened like a month ago, and every time I try to blog about it, I get so emotional, delete what I typed and abandon the whole idea.

The emotional impact of this incident was so overwhelming. It is so hard for a mother to see her baby hurt, not even a bit, or to hear him crying in pain.

Now watching what's going on in Gaza, the 315+ children who were killed, and the hundreds or thousands others who were badly injured, burned, or lost their limbs, I can't really imagine how would their mothers be feeling now. I just can't! If I went through all this torture when my baby fell and wasn't a bit hurt, what are these mothers going through now????
I'm all out of words!

The Sleepless Mom

So, finally Kareem fell asleep.. and as it is the case every night, I take advantage of being alone and free at last to have some "me" time before he wakes up again. By "me" time I definitely don't mean going shopping or going out with friends or relax or watch a movie or maybe read a book or something, as I used to do before, my me time these days is no more than check mail, send a message, make a phone call, or take a quick peek at my favorite websites, not to mention enjoying a cup of hot cocoa or ice-cream or any other guilty pleasure. I actually cherish this time when I am finally all alone, when I can do what I previously mentioned without having to be in a hurry...
*sigh*

So, instead of heading directly to bed to get some sleep after a hectic day, I find myself seduced by a state of silence and solitude to stay awake and enjoy it as it lasts.
Every morning, when I wake up so tired and sleepy, because Kareem wakes up like every hour or two at night, I blame myself for staying awake after my baby sleeps and decide that I'll never do it again and I better have some mercy and get myself some sleep cause in my case, every minute of sleep counts! And here I am, can't overcome the temptation of having some time for myself, and can't fall asleep despite the severe sleep deprivation I am suffering from. I don't remember when was the last time I had a good night's sleep. I've been sleep deprived since I was pregnant, so it's been more than a year now.... Sometimes, I feel lucky that I still remember my own name, LOL!! Seriously, I'm losing it! Can't function or focus, can't concentrate on anything. And guess what?? I'm looking for a job! Isn't that funny! :D

I'll talk about the job thingie later, and why I am looking for a job, but now, what was I talking about?? Oh yes, the sleeplessness, I need to find a solution sooo badly. Remember when I let Kareem cry himself to sleep? I felt so guilty afterwards and decided never to do it again no matter what, and completely abandoned the whole idea of letting my baby cry it out. So I searched and searched and read so many articles about this problem until I came across this book, The No Cry Sleep Solution, read it and just started following the instructions. Now I have my fingers crossed hoping that this plan will work and I finally get some sleep and start functioning like a normal human being again, lol .

Scenes (3)

setting: at the doctor's clinic, a couple of weeks ago.

Scene 1:

A mother who's son was suffering from a severe stomach pain was feeding him man2osheh b za3tar and soda.

Scene 2:

A mother(?) was busy chatting with everyone while the maid was holding her baby girl the whole time. When the baby cries, the maid tries to soothe her, when she's hungry, the maid prepares the bottle and feeds her, when the baby nags, the maid talks and plays with her or takes her for a walk. The mother doesn't bother to even look at her baby or try to know what's wrong with her.

I wonder if the baby knows who her real mother is.

Two Months

At the hospital, when they brought Kareem to me, I didn't know what to do with him, didn't even dare to hold him. I'm not used to deal with newborns and always thought that they look funny and weird with their puffy eyes and wrinkled skin.

I stared at Kareem in amazement, like a kid who has just received a new toy and still has no idea what to do with it and how it works. I thought that he looked so cute, even with the puffy eyes and wrinkled hands. Everybody was encouraging me to hold him but I was scared and thought that he was too small and fragile to hold! I was afraid that I might hurt him or something. But eventually I forced myself to hold him, carefully.. and cautiously...
Is this the same creature who has lived inside me for nine months? Subhan Allah!!
So finally we met. It took us some time to get used to each other. I thought that I was such an ignorant mother who didn't know how to handle her baby, and I felt guilty about it. I didn't even know how to change his diaper, I remember that once I woke my mom up in the middle of the night because I couldn't figure out how to change Kareem's diaper by myself :D . I used to get extremely worried and panic whenever Kareem cries thinking that I must have missed something or done something wrong. I've always felt guilty and blamed myself about it until I found out that crying is just the way babies express their needs, it's their only language, and sometimes they cry just for the heck of it! I had lots of things to learn. I can say that the first month was extremely difficult, lack of sleep made me exhausted and drained all the time.No baby blues though thank God! I didn't know that being a mother can be this hard. Now I understand why is it so great to be a mom and why we must appreciate our mothers.

The second month, however, was less exhausting. I kinda started to understand Kareem's language. He now cries less and has certain signs to express what he needs instead of crying. I'm enjoying him more and everybody is enjoying him. Friends and family, young and old, have fallen in love with Kareem. He became everybody's toy :D. They visit us more often not to see me but to see Kareem, and call us not to check on me but to check on Kareem. And I don't mind at all of course :D. Kareem is a sociable baby, he likes visitors, and mostly behaves in their presence.
Kareem is a stubborn baby, and very hyper too, mashallah! He gets bored easily and always wants new things to entertain him. He has his own rules, nobody can control him and this is making things hard for me. I'm a person who cherishes freedom, now I feel that I lost it all. I am no more free to do whatever I want at the time I want. My whole life is now devoted to Kareem, the sweetest and the most precious gift that heaven sent us.
Kareem turned two months old today! Happy Birthday Kareemo. May God bless and protect you my little angel. We love you.
and thank you for giving me a few minutes to write this post :D

Our First Anniversary

Exactly a year ago today, we got married. I don't believe it's been a year! As if it was yesterday, despite the many events and changes that took place during this year.
Leaving Lebanon, celebrating our wedding in Jordan, moving to Turkey, then back to Lebanon, then moving to Dubai, and now back to Lebanon... getting pregnant.. and the most important thing my angel's birth...
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I became a wife, and a mother!
Ammar and Kareem, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm blessed to have you in my life.

Happy Anniversary my love, I love you :)

Grrrrrrr

Mothers.. ya mothers... You were pregnant once, weren't you?! And you know how annoying and disturbing noise and mess can be to a pregnant woman!
So why do you come along to visit her with your unbearably naughty and noisy kids and turn her day into a living hell?!
When you have such uncontrollable kids, LEAVE THEM AT HOME for God's sake.. ana mish tay2a 7ali.. effttt
khalas, fadfadet :D

Mothers and Babies

I came across the following funny post and thought of sharing it with you :D

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing

Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.