Monday, December 25, 2006

Reflections on Marriage

The parents meeting is one of the many occasions that prompts me to contemplate about life in general and marital life in specific. Meeting parents from different places, of different looks, tastes, and attitudes is an interesting experience that makes me think, analyze, and come up with certain impressions and concepts regarding marriage and man-woman relationships.

The appearance of each couple tells to some extent whether they make a happy family or not, whether they match or not, the nature of their relationship and its effect on their children; to the extent that we find answers to many questions that hover around the behavior of some children that is directly and undoubtedly related to the family atmosphere. At many instances we came to a conclusion that with parents like these, how can the child be blamed?

The issue that I'm going to tackle here, however, is not the effect of unsuccessful marriages on children. I'm going to talk about one of the causes of a failed marriage and vanished love.

Among the couples who came to meet us, I can tell that in most cases the men looked prettier and younger than their wives. We wondered how a man like this can accept a wife like that, they just looked odd together. Most of the wives are fat and old fashioned which tells that they don't give themselves any kind of care, and like typical wives, their main concern is focused on their house, children and husband, leaving their beauty, personality, confidence and even femininity to fade away...

Their husbands on the other hand, looked pretty and elegant, well dressed for "the occasion?", obviously prepared for the mission of searching for beauty that they can no more see any trace of in their houses. Hmm, can they be blamed?
Some of them were not really listening to what the teachers had to say about their children, they were only nodding their heads pretending to be concentrating on the speech while their imprudent eyes were concentrating on somewhere else, examining the teacher from top to toe until she finds herself obliged to avoid them and direct her talk to the wives who seemed to be the only ones who cared and who attended the meeting for the real purpose of it.

"Marriage is more complicated than I thought it was" I thought. "What if I became like one of these women after a few years?!". The mere thought of it freaked me out! "NO WAY , there's no way I'm going to neglect myself like that!! There's no way I'm going to engulf myself with the household and then I get fat and ugly, and my husband starts gazing at beautiful ladies, and he may even think of remarrying!! :" :P. And my stream of thoughts goes on before it gets interrupted by the arrival of a new couple.

"Now that is the family that I'm going to have!" I thought to myself whenever I saw a cute happy couple towards whom the looks of admiration were directed. She's the wife who does not put aside the fact that her rule in this life is not restricted within cleaning and cooking, and is well aware of the other things that she needs to pay attention to in order to not leave a space for her husband to lose interest in her and look for his satisfaction else where. And he is the husband who's proud of having a smart, educated, up-to-date and appealing wife. (Knowing that some kind of mean men who can't resist but gaze or even cheat no matter how beautiful and great his wife is!)

We have to admit, even though good looking is not the only thing to admire in a wife, but it is a very important factor to have and take care of. Believe me, it can cause the family to fall apart! It's the man's right to have a wife of at least moderate beauty who takes care of herself if not for her sake then for the sake of her husband, instead of totally neglecting herself and turns into a complete disaster a couple of years after marriage; and then starts lamenting her fate when she finds out that her hubby is having an affair with another woman. It's an inseparable part of the wife's rule in taking care of the family and the husband and work for their satisfaction is to have more time in front of the mirror. Knowing that the husband must take into consideration that his wife has other priorities to take care of and consequently he should not be very demanding.

Moderation after all is the best choice.


Summer said...

Commenting on this issue may take books but i won’t take long today!
i just enjoyed your analysis of people...looks could be deceiving you the fat wife with a good looking husband may not represent the perfect couple in a lot of people’s opnion, but one does not seem to see what attracts those two to each other..on the other hand, if one knew...we might not comprehend it. so lets just leave it right there.
nice enjoy reading your blog. Yes i am in the lovely city of Beirut!!

Weddo... said...

I always feel that men are the cause of women neglecting themselves :???:

Y3ni msh 3ashanha haik ho sar haik !!

3ashano haik he sarat haik :P

7ada fehem 3alai :D?

Qwaider قويدر said...

Although I mostly agree with you, I really can't blame the ladies for neglecting themselves sometimes. But I DO think it should be mutual. Both should try their best to be the best for the other side.
Anyway, I absolutely think there are more important things to focus on in a marriage than what you see in the display window. And there's much to consider than the freak show they give out when the appear in public
By the way, welcome to Qwaider Planet Your beautiful writings earned you a spot. Keep it up

Nana said...

You're right. One should not be decieved by looks, but sometimes it just shows..
and thanx a lot for your kind words dear, I'm glad that you liked my blog :)

Men are the cause of all the disasters on palent earth, aren't they? :D
I kinda understood what you want to say, well maybe, this happens too.

But I DO think it should be mutual. Both should try their best to be the best for the other side.

I totally agree with you.
and thanx for adding me, that was sweet of you Qwaider :)

Anonymous said...

First of all every couple is different.Before I got married I promissed myself not to end up neglecting myself like other women,but here I am today exactly doing that.Too many resposibilites,worries,arguments and resentments, got me here to the point where I don't recognize myself anymore,not only physically but on the inside too.I gave it all to the family where there is nothing left to give not even to myself. If I were to advice you:Don't melt in this big pot that is called marriage.Regardless how much you love your husband and kids in the future,maintain your own identity,express what you love and hate,what you like and dislike.
Because I want always to please them so much,I put always their choices first,what to eat,drink,trips,movies,music....always saying whatever you choose fine with me got me drained and empty.They see me not a woman,am just this person who is available to make things happen.At the end of the day am so tired I don't care how I look anymore..


Nana said...

you think I should give it a second thought before I got trapped? :D
Ammar, I'm kidding hehe

Regardless how much you love your husband and kids in the future,maintain your own identity,express what you love and hate,what you like and dislike.

I think that this is what must be done, but who knows what the future carries for us. One cannot really judge and know what will happen unless he himself lives the experience.
I'm really thankful that you shared this experience, it's always better to hear from those who are living it, instead of those -like me- who say theories that they may not apply themselves when they go through it.
thanx Noura, you must be a great mother :)