Wednesday, November 14, 2007


When I was a little girl, I had a yellow teddy bear wearing a red overall..and I used to call him Fofo. I don't know when and how did I get it, what I remember is that Fofo was there all the time. At the age of fourteen, as we decided to move to another city, mama gave Fofo - among other things- away without letting me know. When I discovered about it later, it was too late.

Mom thought that I grew too old to care about an old silly teddy bear. My furious reaction surprised her for she had no idea how dear was Fofo to me and how sad losing him made me feel. It's true that I didn't seem to care much about him and I took his presence for granted, but I was really so attached to and so fond of him. The fact that I didn't realize until I lost him.

It's been many years since this happened but I still remember Fofo and miss him.

How many things in our lives, let alone people, do we take for granted and do not appreciate their real value until we lose them? We may not even notice their existence until they're not there anymore.

Have you ever thought that a day will come when you'll miss a pillow, a pen, a notebook, a mirror, a chair, or even a vase?

Has it ever crossed your mind that one day you'll be longing for a certain place, a road, a shop, a cafe, or even a balcony?

Have I ever imagined that someday I was going to miss the taste of our bread, the smell of Mom's coffee, the flavor of a friend's tea, or even the voice of the grocer and the laugh of the hairdresser?

Did I know before that we get attached to "things" and "places" the way we do to humans?

No, not really! It never occured to me that one day I'll look back at these trivial things with nostalgia, and that they'll become an inseparable part of the concept "home", when they were before nothing but normal things and incidents, a part of our daily routine...

Fairouz becomes not only a serence voice that we enjoy listening to in the morning, and in my case at any time of the day. Fairouz's voice becomes equivalent to "home".. it takes you back to familiar places... and brings to mind familiar faces and sounds... laughs and sobs.. beautiful and bitter arouses a feeling of "belonging" and takes you temporarily back home.
But as you open your eyes, you find yourself in a completely different place... walking down an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar city... a stranger... surrounded by strangers....

The cold breeze strokes my hair... brings me back to where I really am... and I wonder, why does it have to be this cold here when back home it is still warm? Why can't I see the beauty of this city the way that others see it? Will I ever feel at home in this place? Will I ever miss anything about it if one day I had to leave the way I miss every corner back home? Why does life, when it decides to be generous with us and offer us a valuable thing, deprive us of many others in return? Why can't we have it all at the same time? Man is a greedy creature, isn't he?

The wind gets more chilly... and rain drops start to fall on me... so I decide to walk back home thinking to myself that we must take advantage of every moment we spend with our beloved ones, and in the places that we love, because one day, when we part with them, we'll regret not showing enough care and love to them, just as it happened with me and Fofo.


Qabbani said...

OMG , so nice post

u know i miss many things , specially
the things related to Damas and my grandma place

Home home , when ever we go it still inside ..

really gr8 post :)

nido said...

wow!! that was amazing:)
I went through the same last year!I know exactly how you feel...but the good part is that you're going to get used to it! it's going to get better! give it time...try to keep yourself busy in things you like doing...
You'll never stop missing people or THINGS, but you'll just get used to it...
And you know what else...going back home for a visit will make things much easier on you! Hope you'll get the chance to visit soon:)

Oriental Arabesque said...

i so missed ur writings and the way u express urself lady :)

what can i say, u said it all and i have nothing more to add...i agree with u on each and every word
actually, it's the ppl and the things that makes "home" a home after all...i can relate to what ur feeling..
and yes we can't have it is not THAT generous after all..
hope things will get better for u

Sam said...

yeh we always take things for granted...u dont know what you have until u lose it...but that is life...inshallah one day the place u r in will feel home..:)

Anonymous said...

You made me cry :(
ija 7akyiek 3al waja3.....

(the same anonymous that called your husband one day "mgal3a6")

Hala said...

Awww I loved your post.

I faced the same situation, and still do actually. There will always be something special about 'home.' Give it time and you will get used to it ... Or at least you will not feel as lonely.

Good luck *hug*

Wedad said...

Oh Diana !

shofti we all feel this! bs 7atet3awwadi o a3tee el baalad forsa it's really nice! a3teeha forsa 7aram :P

o bema eno you're with the one you love 7atenbesto kateran insha'allah

Mrs. Al Ramahi said...

truely impressive.. i loved your post..hopefully some day soon you can go back to your country and have it all there :)

Anonymous said...

The way you write is impressive it pulls you into the theme. Anyhow, I could only say I feel you wo inshAllah you will adapt.. khososan that ur husband is there to help :) Enjoy it its a beautiful place.

Bos6ar Gadeem said...

I love these words ... you express so many things i felt .. and I still feel since I left home ... but I will tell you something else that you have not noticed yet .. even Fairouz .. when you listen to it now, where you are, is not the same .. all these things you mentioned belong together .. and you cannot have just your moms coffee .. without the warm morning with her .. and without an unexpected piece of art from fairouz .. it all happens together .. but as we move in in our life .. there will comes a moment when they will never happen again.

What brings all of these together is the "moment" .. and believe me its amongst the most that you will miss.

Diana said...

Thanx Qabbani, I agree with you.

Nido, fortunately I got the chance to visit, I'm in Lebanon now and I can't describe how happy I am to be here again.

Mais, thank you, you're so sweet, as always

Sam, I hope so, thanx!

Diana said...

Suz, I didn't mean to make u cry, sorry :$

Hala, thank you sweets, I know it's time that I need..

Weddo, what if I don't want to give it a chance? :wa7ad shireer: :D

Amal, I'm here already, yippyyyyy

Diana said...

Batoul, thanks for stopping by, I appreciate ur opinion. It's a beautiful place indeed, but to me, Lebanon is more beautiful and more dear for sure.

Amjad, sad but true...

Gardi said...

very well said Diana! I totally agree with you and i can't express this any better than you did. True life is so weird and sometimes exile is absolutely needed to appreciate home.

Am thankful to the coincident which braught me here.

Diana said...

thanks for stopping by and reading Gardi :)

Anonymous said...

woow!im from argentiina so i dont speak english very well,, but i just had to tell you how nice your test seem to me!
its the truth,, the most nostalgic thing is when you realise all the time taht have passed and you start thinking about all the things that have changed, as your fofo,
thanks very much..
my e mail is